remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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