Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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