so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
