glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
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