god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
