That's when you crack a 10am beer
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
