Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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