I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Randomize
