My brain says no but my pants say off.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
