Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
