At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Randomize
