On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
