You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
