Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
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