his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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