I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Randomize
