You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
