Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
