You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
