Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
