Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
