so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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