Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
