I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
