if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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