I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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