bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
