i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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