Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Randomize
