just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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