You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
