This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
We have started to decorate penises.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Randomize
