Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
How does one acquire holy water?
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
