K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
