I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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