The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
