I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
