i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
