can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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