I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
