It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
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