Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
