Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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