I am puke
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
