the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
