Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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