fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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