Umm I'm too high to move.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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