I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
