i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
