I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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