I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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