How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
