Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
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