So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
