we're chasing vodka with high fives
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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