every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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