Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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