so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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