I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Randomize
