at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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