do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
