I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
