Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I think my nap took me to another dimension
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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