Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
