you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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