Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize
