happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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