i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
