If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
