Jerry, you need to find god
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
