theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
