batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
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