that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
