I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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