Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
