her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
